So, You're Having a Baby: 5 Tips From a Father with a 5 Month Old

Our beautiful daughter turned 5 months old earlier this week. Sometimes, it feels like the time has flown by so quickly. Around this time a year ago, we had just found out my wife was pregnant and were starting to tell our close family and friends. Now we have a baby that is starting to eat real food and trying to crawl. Other times, I'm wondering when she'll finally walk and talk. These dishes aren't going to clean themselves (I'm kidding...for now).

While I am in no way an expert, I like to think I'm a pretty involved father. I have also noticed that many of my friends and co-workers are starting families. I've enjoyed giving upcoming parents some advice and insight into what to expect. Here are my top general tips for those expecting for the first time.

1. You Can Do It

My biggest fear heading into parenthood was those first few days after coming back from the hospital. You and your partner are now in charge of a human being, and a helpless one at that. That's scary. I forget to zip up my fly sometimes, how am I qualified to be responsible for a whole person? The answer is...you're not. You just have to figure it out as you go, same as what people have done for thousands of years. A lot of it is common sense, and newborns are usually pretty simple. They eat, poop, pee, sleep, and cry.

However, don't go in blind. I recommend learning about the birthing process and newborn parenting. The hospital where you plan to have your baby usually has free classes, and that is my preferred method of learning. It's a controlled atmosphere with active professionals where you can ask questions. There is tons of information online as well, but it can be contradictory and hard to verify.

2. Don't Do It Alone

In the days and weeks leading up to the birth, you may be planning to spend as much time with your baby as possible. You are full of love, and you want to prove that you can do this parenting thing. Don't get cocky. Babies are not that complicated, but they are a lot of work. You will be exhausted. Let friends and family help you make this transition into parenthood a little easier. They can assist with simple things like doing laundry or getting groceries.

If you have people you really trust, let them babysit for a few hours or even overnight to give you a break. This is a great time to get some sleep (see below) or simply go out to dinner and/or a movie. You can lose yourself in the baby world, and it's nice to be reminded that you can still have your own life (in small doses). Don't see this as pawning your kid off. Even your doctor should tell you (ours did) to ask for help and take it whenever offered to you. If you don't, you can get burnt out. 

3. Find a Way to Sleep

The one piece of advise that I kept getting from friends, families, and co-workers when they found out my wife and I were pregnant was to get a lot of sleep now. You can't bank sleep, so that actually won't help much. However, sleep is extremely important when raising a newborn. They need to eat about every 2 hours, and they cry about every little thing (I can't blame them, every experience is new and scary). It's exhausting. If you don't find a way to get sleep, you'll feel groggy, sick, and frustrated. It's hard enough being a new parent, and a lack of sleep just makes it exponentially worse.

So, how do you find time to sleep? If you and your partner are together, take shifts. Let the other parent be in control for a few hours so you can do what you need to do in peace. Take time off work to allow for a schedule that works for you and your partner. If your job offers family leave, take it. It's there for a reason. If not, take your vacation/sick/PTO hours or ask for unpaid leave (anticipate this by saving up). Going back to #2 on the list, you can and should also allow friends and family to watch the baby.

4. Every Baby is Different

One the biggest questions you'll keep having as a parent will probably be, "Is this normal?". Babies do a lot of weird stuff (their poop looks like black tar for the first few days), and you're going to be constantly worried if they are OK. Taking the classes and otherwise prepping will help, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that every baby is different. Some have colic, some don't. Some sleep through the night, some sleep in random chunks of time. Even between siblings, the mannerisms and health issues can be completely different. Don't assume anything. 

5. It's Not Stupid If It Works

This sentiment works for parenting techniques as well, but I want to focus on products. Babies are big business for manufacturers, and you will see a countless variety of products aimed at assisting parents. Some of these seem silly and frivolous, but you'll be surprised by how much you'll miss having them if you pass them up. For example, we didn't get a wipe warmer at first. I thought, "who cares if the wipes are cold?" We then realized that you want the baby to stay asleep when you change her at night, and the cold wipe wakes her up. Get a wipe warmer. There's a lot of gadgets, toys, accessories, etc. out there, so it's hard to know which ones are really worth it. Ask your friends and family who have a young child. They've been through it recently, so they know what really works. 

Hopefully this helps you upcoming parents. These are pretty broad tips, but they are a good starting point for getting your head in the right space. I can't finish this post without thanking my wife, who has been an amazing mother and partner.